Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 01:26:26 -0400 (EDT)
From: "38 (L'evenement theatral de la rentree)" 
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Funny Letters to Dear Abby...

Publicite gratuite pour un autre mailing list d'humour quotidien, H.A.N.D.:


Date: Thu, 15 Aug 1996 12:36:57 -0600
From: HAND!
Subject: Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh #195


Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:

 Sent in by Barbara Lucia..
   who was worried, that we had stopped sending out HAND! because
   we had run out of jokes.. (thanks for the concern and sending this in!)

         Funny Letters to Dear Abby...

DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
   One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in
   her mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've
   never seen a man go into  their apartment or come out. Do you think
   they could be  Lebanese?
      -- CURIOUS

I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm
   not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on
  the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
  should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
  money with him.

I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and
  when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and
  said it would never happen again.

Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate
  doctor?

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
  was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do
  I get out?

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
  hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
  drank until one night he came home sober.

Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a
  little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't
  and he finally did it.

My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
  mental pause.

I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief
  petting officer.

Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex
  to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in
  sex years ago and he is a doctor.

This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my
  husband said "I Will" he knew very well he couldn't.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years.
  We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I
  love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out
  with me just for what he can get?
    -- GERTIE
  DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair
  and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I
  spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that
  would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we
  are both called to our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy
  day.
    -- FORTY YEARS HITCHED
  DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
  like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you
  think he'd like?
   -- CAROL
  DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
   -- KAY
   DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his
   wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell
   me, can a baby this big be that early?
   -- WONDERING
   DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
   -- CURIOUS
   DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women
   at the same time?
   -- JAKE
   DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
   he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
   -- ANNIE
   DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years,
   but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history
   traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any
   suggestions?
   -- SAM IN CAL.
   DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
   -- TED
   DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to
   say, "I've heard a lot about you"?
   -- RITA
   DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
   -- ROSE
   DEAR ROSE: So would I.

DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
   -- BESS
   DEAR BESS: Night and day.


Smile and...
HAND!Have A Good Day