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Date: Fri, 04 Apr 2003 09:02:57 -0500
From: Pierce Hennlove
Subject: BLAGUES-L: One-Liners about War

Date: 3 Apr 2003 08:36:23 +0100
From: Jean-Louis Berra

"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They 
were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized 
that spells 'OIL.'" Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the 
willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain." 
Jon Stewart

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three 
parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to 
wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of 
the American voters to become president, either." David Letterman

"Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam 
Hussein said 'You can do that?'" Jay Leno

"According to the New York Times, Saddam Hussein has mined all his oil 
fields, planted bombs in all his major cities, he's got bombs in the 
military installations, in the airports, and he's mined all the 
government buildings. There's not much left for us to do, really." Jay Leno

"Good news for Iraq. There's a 50 percent chance that President Bush 
will confuse it with Iran." Craig Kilborn

"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the 
war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is 
yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up." Craig Kilborn

"President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in 
countries he never knew existed." .Jay Leno

"President Bush found out something this week. Between the countries of 
Camaroone, Chile, Angola and Syria, Angola plays the best music when 
they put you on hold." Craig Kilborn

"As you all know we're about to start March Madness. That's NCAA college 
basketball tournament when they start with 64 teams and you whittle them 
down to just one, you know kind of like our allies." Jay Leno

A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The 
National Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war 
organization called 'Books Not Bombs.' President Bush said, 'Why do you 
want to drop books on them?'" Jay Leno

"My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for the weekend. So, I took 
her down the street to the local Texaco." Jay Leno

"Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as 
$80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free." Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher 
of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language." Jay Leno

"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that 
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can 
have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. 
Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida." Jay Leno

"In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has challenged President Bush 
to a live, televised debate. I think this would be fair, since English 
is a second language to both of them." Jay Leno

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of 
Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, 
supplies, housing, education . anything that's needed. Isn't that 
amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda . and it's for Iraq. 
Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." Jay Leno

"Secretary of State Colin Powell addressed the United Nations Security 
Council, offering a compelling 90-minute presentation that not only 
furthered his case but reminded the world why America is second to none 
in the field of PowerPoint." Jay Leno

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he 
hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, 
people." Conan O'Brien

"This week officials from France, Russia and Germany accused President 
Bush of having a fondness for war. Yeah, when asked about it, a 
spokesman for Bush said, 'It's a one syllable word, of course he's fond 
of it.'" Conan O'Brien

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