Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2002 03:44:14 GMT From: Cough Luck Subject: BLAGUES-L: What Hallmark doesn't print Date: 12 Janvier 2002 From: Roger Fortin WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. ------------------------------- My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire. I noticed your cat. Sorry! ------------------------------- You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. ------------------------------- Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. ------------------------------- Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be. But don't fret about it. She moved in with me. ------------------------------- You totaled your car. And can't remember why. Could it have been. That whole case of Bud Dry? ------------------------------- Too bad no one likes your wife. ------------------------------- How could two people as beautiful as you..... have such an ugly baby? ------------------------------- I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After meeting you, I've changed my mind. ------------------------------- I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. ------------------------------- As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. ------------------------------- If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. ------------------------------- As I grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy... ------------------------------- Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this! ------------------------------- Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. ------------------------------- Someday I hope to get married.... but not to you. ------------------------------- Happy Birthday! you look great for your age... Almost Lifelike! ------------------------------- When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up.... I think it's time you kept your promise. ------------------------------- I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. ------------------------------- We have been friends for a very long time... what say we call it quits. ------------------------------- I'm so miserable without you.... It's like you are still here. ------------------------------- Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Any idea who the father was? ------------------------------- You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. ------------------------------- Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... so we're having you put to sleep. ------------------------------- Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! (available only in Alabama and Arkansas)