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Date: Tue, 09 Jul 2002 20:23:28 -0400
From: Make Like A Tree
Subject: BLAGUES-L: The Letter of Apology

Date: Sun, 11 Apr 1999 14:35:43 -0600
From: E.W. Smith
Subject: The Letter of Apology

Greetings, All:

Another belated one from friend Basil of Edmonton.  Reminiscent of a
similar one I sent out last year; this one, however, has better excuses.

Earle - Grande Prairie AB


G'day Earle

This letter is the aftermath of an Office Party.  I often wonder why I
don't get to go to those types of parties.  How about you?  Have you
ever been to a party like this one?  Can you remember any memorable
thing that happened, that you can tell me about?


       A Letter of Apology From The Chap
   Who Was Fired After The Christmas Party....
                     (Author Unknown)

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general
feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a
"dirty son of a bitch" to my face, I knew I must have done something
wrong at the office Christmas Party.  The Office Manager called me from
the hospital today and as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way
of apologizing to all of you.  I would prefer speaking to everyone
personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to
talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the things I
called you Friday afternoon.  I'm very much aware that your father is
not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a delightful
woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in Tijuana was
strictly a figment of my imagination.  Your children are undoubtedly
yours too.  About the water cooler incident, you'll never know how badly
I feel about it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head when they were
trying to get the glass jug off.

To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must remind
you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the stairway as much
as I did until the bannister broke and we fell eight feet to the second
floor landing.  In spite of the rupture you incurred when I landed on
top of you, I am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of
the biggest thrills you have ever had.

Sam, you old cuss, you've just got to forgive me for that little prank I
played on you.  If I had known you were goosey, I'd have never done it.
It would have been a lot worse if that fat lady hadn't been standing
right under the window you jumped through.  She really broke your fall a
lot.  People have been killed falling three stories.

Gene, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned in the false
alarm.  But, of course, I had no way of knowing they would make such a
bad report of it.  Those fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure don't
they? And the water is cold!!

Don, I know how you must feel about me.  Opening the door to the broom
closet suddenly must have startled you and Millie quite badly, and to
think how hard you bumped your chin on the shelf when you bent over to
pull up your pants, it makes me sick.  We'll have to get together for
dinner some night after the dentist finishes your plates.

Nancy, the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your clothes and
hiding them when I found you passed out in the ladies room, is that I
was drunk.  Also, I want you to know I was very embarrassed when I
couldn't remember where I hid them and you had to go home in that old
sofa cover.  Running your falsies up the flag pole was a bit too much,
but like I said, I was a little drunk.

To all of you, I am sorry.  Setting Jan's panties on fire seemed funny
at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that her husband is divorcing
her because of it.

Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not telling them
about it until all the drinks were gone was even worse.

Now that I have apologized to all of you and know that I am forgiven, I
will do my darndest to come to the picnic......

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