Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 2002 >

Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2002 08:32:57 -0500 (EST)
From: The Power and the Glory
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Lawns

From: "E.W. Smith"
Date: Sat, 01 Sep 2001 14:54:45 -0600
Subject: God and St. Francis 
Good Day, Everyone: 

Received this one some time ago from our old friend Basil, of Edmonton.  Enjoy! 

Earle - Grande Prairie AB 

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis on 
the subject of lawns: 
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is 
going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle 
and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden 
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and 
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts 
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a 
vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. 
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The 
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and 
went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. 
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract 
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's 
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really 
want all that grass growing there? 
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. The go to great pains to grow it and 
keep it green. The begin each spring by fertilizing grass and 
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. 
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really 
fast. That must make the homeowners happy. 
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they 
cut it ~ sometimes twice a week. 
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay? 
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in 
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? 
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. 
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will 
grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? 
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. 
GOD: These Earthlings must be relieved in the summer when we cut back 
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves 
them a lot of work. 
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass 
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to 
water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. 
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a 
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves 
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn 
they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the 
soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves 
form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. 
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a 
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great 
piles and pay to have them hauled away. 
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the 
winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? 
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy 
something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around 
in place of the leaves. 
GOD: And where do they get this mulch? 
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. 
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, 
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us 
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie 
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. 

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