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Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2002 08:14:07 -0400 (EDT) 
From: German Shepherd's Pie
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Darwin Awards Nominees 2002 

FROM: Patrick Drouin 
DATE: Fri, 10 May 2002 16:25:49 -0400 
Subject: OT Darwin awards 

And the 2002 nominees are: 

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because 
he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not 
surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace 
in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing 
both him and his sister. 

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of 
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 
225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle 
shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a 
schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the 
filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end 
of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long 
and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for 
reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of 
explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. 

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when 
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of 
the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were 
all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. 

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before 
arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. 
Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch naked. When she 
rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks 
around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was 
declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection 
of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. 
Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. 
Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down 
into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, 
for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge 
shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him. 

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near 
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and 
killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified 
for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention 
had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently 
beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons 
to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own. 

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to 
use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax 
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these 
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the 
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, 
a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car 
was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater 
than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police 
say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma". 

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend 
were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no 
doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. 

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a 
gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all 
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been 
evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering 
the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their 
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of 
one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that 
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object, the 
gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. 
Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched 
by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never 
been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. 

The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award (awarded to people for 
incredible feats of stupidity) goes to.... 

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everett Sanchez tried 
to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once 
again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the 
ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of 
his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's 
scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who 
immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. 
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot 
higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the 
scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the 
fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball 
washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled 
between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add 
insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased 
from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the 
hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the 

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