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Subject: BLAGUES-L: Children
Date: Tue, 08 Oct 2002 18:07:07 -0400 (EDT)
From: Can Gear Sue a Lew Jew Ack?

FROM: Claudia de Angelis
DATE:   Tue, 24 Sep 2002 16:43:18 -0400 
De : Porlier, Julie
De: LeducC

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was 
dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move", answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't 

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank 
me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally 
asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in an out and 
keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in 
or stay out!'"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son 
into bed.

She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his 
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"  The mother smiled and gave him 
a reassuring hug.  "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. 
All the children were invited to come forward.  One little girl was wearing a 
particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and 
said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl   
replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says 
it's a bitch to iron."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into 
the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.  She 
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"  I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has 
a baby growing in her tummy"  "I know, she replied, but what's growing in your 

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that 
son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The 
little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your 
teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.  "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching 
my son in math?"  The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."  
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a 
bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two 
plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

One day a teacher read the story "Chicken Little" to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the 
farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and 
said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer 

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A 
talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

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