Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 11:42:27 -0400
From: Drunken Apprentice
Subject: BLAGUES-L: The Five Stages of Drunkenness


Date: Thu, 17 May 2001 16:30:56 -0400 
From: Patrick Drouin 

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

   Stage 1 - SMART. This is when you suddenly become an expert 
   on every subject in the known Universe.  You know you know 
   everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone 
   who will listen.  At this stage you are always RIGHT.  And of 
   course the person you are talking to is very WRONG.  This 
   makes for an interesting argument when both parties are 
   SMART. 

   Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING. This is when you realize that you 
   are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that 
   people fancy you.  You can go up to a perfect stranger 
   knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. 
   Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to 
   this person about any subject under the sun. 

   Stage 3 - RICH. This is when you suddenly become the richest 
   person in the world.  You can buy drinks for the  entire bar 
   because you have an armored truck full of money parked 
   behind the bar.  You can also make bets at this stage, 
   because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you 
   win all your bets.  It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos 
   you are RICH.  You will also buy drinks for everyone that 
   you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in 
   the world. 

   Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF. You are now ready to pick fights 
   with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you 
   have been betting or arguing.  This is because nothing can 
   hurt you.  At this point you can also go up to the partners 
   of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of 
   wits or money.  You have no fear of losing this battle 
   because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're 
   BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! 

   Stage 5 - INVISIBLE. This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. 
   At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE 
   YOU.  You dance on a table to impress the people who you 
   fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see 
   you.  You are also invisible to the person who wants to 
   fight you.  You can walk through the street singing at the 
   top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and 
   because you're still SMART you know all the words.