Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 2001 >

Date:	Sun, 23 Dec 2001 23:59:47 EST		
From:	"Cold Dark and Yesterday"		
Subject:	BLAGUES-L: Puns		

From: Patrick Mireau 
Date: Mon, 06 Aug 2001 12:41:55 -1000 
Subject: Puns 

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The 
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion 
allowed per passenger." 

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became 
a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted 
to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the 
craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, 

4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the 
bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? 
He wanted to transcend dental medication. 

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the 
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the 
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they 
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts 
boasting in an open foyer." 

7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a 
family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they 
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth 
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she 
also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've 
seen Juan, you've seen Amal." 

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small 
florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men 
of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He 
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and 
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh 
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to 
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if 
they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, 
and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 

9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man who fasted 
regularly. Some may not realize that fasting, when practiced regularly and for 
extended periods, leads not only to weight loss, but can also cause bad breath. 
No matter, his interests were higher. This great leader hardly ever wore shoes. 
One might say he was ... a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with 

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, 
in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh, and of course, 
no pun in ten did. 

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