Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 2001 >

Date: Mon, 05 Nov 2001 07:37:59 -0500 (EST)
From: Nil Anvil
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Attainable Affirmations

From: Earle W. Smith
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 14:49:45 -0600
Subject: Attainable Affirmations 

Greetings, Everyone: 

This one came in from my dear Cajun gal down in N'Orleans.  It's great!  Enjoy. 

Earle - Grande Prairie AB 

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of 
suspicion and paranoia. 
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are 
someone else's fault. 
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to 
stay employed. 
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. 
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment. 
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at 
9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too. 
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-
righteous people around me. 
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain. 
12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in 
many ways to keep me quiet. 
13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, 
but not nearly as gratifying. 
14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice 
things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things. 
15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun. 
16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts. 
17. I am at one with my duality. 
18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots. 
19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary 
20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. 
21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local 
22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no 
sweeter words than "I told you so!" 
23. False hope is better than no hope at all. 
24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. 
25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in 
the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. 
26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find 
27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying 
about the future? 
28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is 
29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage. 
30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step 
of blaming my parents. 
31. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm 
giving as much as I'm getting. 
32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from 
33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets 
angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. 

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