Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 11:32:05 -0400 (EDT)
From: Coyote Terrible
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Stupid Stories of the Day


Date: Wed, 03 Jun 1998 19:25:49 EDT
From: instantcrisis

Tony Perner, 55, was critically injured when a small plane hit him on the
runway of an airstrip in East Moriches, New York, while he was mooning the
pilot.  Pilot Frederick Spadaro told police he didn't see Permer while
taking off because it was getting dark. 

Kenneth Peart, 77, of Idaho Falls, Idaho, reported that he was cheated out
of $12,700 by two Buffalo telemarketing companies.  A third firm, Capital
Punishers Inc., of the Buffalo suburb of North Tonawanda, called and
offered to come to his rescue.  "They told me that if I sent them $600,
they'd get back all the money I lost," Peart told the Buffalo News. "They
said they knew some bad things happened to me with those other guys, and
that they were going to help me out."  Instead, he said, they helped him
out of $600.

In Foggia, Italy, Armando Pinelli, 70, argued with another man over who
should sit in the only chair in the shade of a palm tree.  Pinelli won. 
When he sat down, the tree fell over on him and killed him. 

Milwaukee attorney debra Koenig, speaking to a class of seventh graders on
the topic of women in the workplace, told the students, "I think it's
great not to get married until after you finish your education... Frankly,
sleep around all you want, but don't get married." 

A 45-year-old man in Meriden, Connecticut, was accused of dialing 911 at
least 25 times in one day to report a toothache.  After several calls in
which he cursed and threatened the 911 dispatchers, police came to his
house and he was charged with criminal mischief.  At the police station,
after bail was set at $6,000, police allowed the man to use the telephone
to call a bail bondsman.  Instead he proceeded to dial 911and again to
curse at the dispatchers. 

In Potter County, Texas, the flag of Chile flew over the courthouse for a
whole day before Assistant District Attorney Paul Herman asked why. 
Officials explained that the manufacturer had apparently put the similar
Chilean flag in a package marked "Texas."  Whoever opened the box didn't
notice the mistake either. 

A group of Russian counterfeiters produced a near-perfect run of bogus
50,000-ruble bank notes.  Once they went into general circualation agreed
that it was an excellent job and appeared to be genuine currency.  Their
only error was misspelling "Russia" 

When the Church of England dismissed the Reverend Anthony Freeman, 48,
after he publicly proclaimed that there is no God, 65 of his fellow clergy
protested the firing.  They said that Anglican authorities should be more
tolerant of unorthodox views. 

Tennessee state Rep. Frank Buck cited a report on the death penalty that
put the cost of lethal injection at $46,000 per execution and a firing
squad at $7,000.  "With figures like these, should we wonder why people
don't trust the government?"  he comented.  "I believe I can figure out a
way to shoot someone for less than $7,000. 

Fifteen Indonesian schoolgirls on a biology field trip drowned when their
teacher forced them into the fast-flowing Opak River near Yogyakarta after
no one would admit to passing gas. 

British customs agents arrested Robert Ventham, 22, when he returned from
buying drugs in Gibralter, despite his attempt to fool them as to the real
purpose of his trip by carrying a set of golf clubs.  The ruse only
alerted the agents because Gibralter has no golf courses. 

In England, Barry Moulsdale was walking along a 24,000-volt overhead
railway line as if it were a tightrope when he fell.  His friend Robert
Woolf told police investigating the incident, "My mate's father did this
some time ago and he had his arm blown off, so we thought we'd try it." 

The most wanted terrorist in the world, Illich Ramirez Sanchez, alias
Carlos the Jackal, eluded authorities for more than 20 years.  He was
finally caught when he emerged from hiding in Sudan and checked into a
hospital in Khartoum to undergo liposuction to remove fat from around his
waist.  The Observer, a British newspaper, quoted a Sudanese doctor in
Cairo who said that as soon as Carlos was unconscious, French agents
seized him. 

In California, a San Diego County supervisor sought to have his colleagues
rename the Africanized honeybees because he said the name has racial
overtones. 

Police in Montgomery County, Maryland, arrested 32-year-old Norman Alafriz
Toro, and charged him with possession of 500,000 in counterfeit $100
bills.  The fake money was spearmint-colored and apparently had been
produced on a copying machine. 

In Frederick, Maryland, Carmen Friedewald-Hill shot boyfriend Ryan Gesner
to death during an argument over which one of them loved the other more. 

In Flint, Michigan, Michael Allen, 26, appeared at his hearing on charges
stemming from a house robbery wearing a green, double-breasted suit that
he hoped would make a good impression on the judge.  Instead, the victim
announced, "He's wearing my suit."  A check of the custom-made suit's
label verified the claim. 

In Somerville, New Jersey, sheriffs's cadet Robert Langenbech was
suspended for three days without pay after officials said he used a
disguised dummy to stand guard in his place at the Somerest County
courthouse while he took a nap. 

In October 1994, the U.S. government announced a $55 million reduction in
funding for food banks and other programs that feed Americans living below
the poverty level.  That same day, the government also announced it would
spend $47 million to train Haiti's police force. 

After representing himself in court and twice winning acquittals on
charges of writing worthless checks and assault, Reinero Torres Jr., 53,
of Sebring, Florida, lost a third case.  He was convicted of having stolen
law books from the courthouse library to prepare his defense for the first
two cases. 

When San Antonio, Texas, police caught Terry Allen, 34, removing burglar
bars from the window of a beauty salon, they charged him with attempted
burglary.  He insisted that he was guilty only on theft since he wasn't
trying to break into the beauty salon, merely trying to steal the burglar
bars to put on his own windows to protect himself from burglars. 

While defending a man in D.C. Superior Court accused of beating his
girlfriend's 12-year-old daughter, a Washington attorney announced after 3
days that he was withdrawing from the case.  He explained that he had
expected the trial to proceed in a more timely manner and had bought
nonrefundable airline tickets for a vaction.  "It's manifestly necessary
that you continue the defense of your client," the judge told the
attorney.  When this plea failed, the judge threatened to hold him in
custody to assure his presence in the courtroom.  The attorney warned that
such a move would only harm his client.  "I mean, I'll just be extremely
hostile to (the defendant).  I'm just going to be totally hostile, totally
hostile," he told the judge, who was forced to declare a mistrial. 

The Sweedish newspaper Expressen gave $1250 each to five stock analysts
and a chimp to see who could make the most money on stock market
investments in 30 days.  At the end of the contests, Ola, the chimpanzee,
was declared the winner with a total of $190 in profits. 

In 1990 Facts on File asked librarians to return copies of the Junior
Visual Dictionary by J.C.  Corbeil so that they could correct the
misidentified anatomical drawing of the female body that it contained. 
The female's vagina had been labeled "sex." 

The Federal Aviation Administration cited the city of Fort Worth , Texas,
for lax security at Meachem Field.  As a shortcut to nearby restaurants,
student pilots were allowed to walk across an active runway. 

The Medical Board of California charged Dr. Fereydoune Shirazi, 55, with
leaving the operating room for 11 minutes during surgery on a man's back
to make a phone call and use the bathroom.  The board said that Shirazi,
who was using a foot pedal-activated cutting tool, placed a sandbag on the
pedal, keeping the blades of the device rotating in the man's spinal
column while he was out of the room

In California, more than 600 people were taking the State Bar exams in
Pasendina Convention Center when a 50-year-old man taking the test
suffered a seizure.  Only two other test takers stopped to help the man,
Jahn Leslie and Eunice Moregan.  They administered CPR until the
paramedics arrived, then resumed taking the exam.  Citing policy, the test
supervisor refused to allow the two additional time to make up for the 40
minutes they had spent helping the victim.  Jerome Braun, the State Bar's
senior executive for admissions, backed the decision. 

In Korea, the Seoul Metropolitan Police Administration responded to
complaints that the police emergency number was sometimes busy by
installing two fax machines for people who can't get through on the phone
to report crimes. 

In 1982 the Maryland Poison Center reported that nearly 80 people had been
poisoned in nearly two months after mistaking the new Lever Brothers
Company dishwashing liquid Sun Light for lemon juice and adding it to ice
tea and other drinks.  The products label proclaimed that it contained
"real lemon juice." 

A 45-year-old sixth-grade teacher in Chicago presented his 30 students
with a test titled "City of Chicago High School Proficiency Exam."  It
featured eight math problems involving selling cocaine, drive-by
shootings, and prison life. 
       One read: "Rufus is pimping three girls.  If the price is $65 per
trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for
his $800-per-day crack habit?" 
       Another asked how many years a paroled hitman would have to serve
in prison for "killing the bitch that spent his money?" 
       Yet another read: "José has two ounces of cocaine and sells and
eight ball to Jackson for $320, and two grams to Billy Joe for $85 per
gram.  What is the street value of the balance if he doesn't cut it?" 
        Amid a firestorm of angry parents, the teacher reportedly offered
to quit but said that he thought the test might have been a method of
trying to relate to his students, according to one parent. 

In China, 404 people died and 1,028 were injured in traffic accidents
during the first years operation of a 164-mile long expressway linking
Beijing and Shijiazhuang. 
 Authorities blamed the high fatality rate on a middle lane that allows
cars on both sides of the road to pass, making head-on collisions almost
inevitable if two drivers going in opposite directions decide to pass at
the same time. 

Reasearch funded by a British juice company found that 50,000 Britons seek
hospital treatment each year due to injuries caused by struggling to open
milk and juice cartons. 

Steven Engelman, 38, explained to an Ohio court that he shot at a passing
car because the car's license plate reminded him of an incident eight
years earlier in which he was stabbed in a bar.  The plate read JABU which
Engelman took to mean "jab you." 

The Princeton Dental Resource Center in Albany, New York, agreed to pay a
$25,000 settlement for misleading consumers by claiming that a piece of
chocolate a day might inhibit tooth decay.  The center is funded by candy
maker Mars Incorporated. 

Volvo GM Heavy Truck Driver Corporation in Dublin, Virginia, assigned an
employee to dress up as a rooster, sneak up behind tardy workers and crow. 
When the rooster surprised Marshall Lineberry, 50, who was three hours
late for his shift, and yelled "cock-a-doodle-doo," Lineberry turned
around, grabbed the rooster and began choking it.  Volvo GM suspended
Lineberry, who filed for unemployment.  The employment commision denied
him benefits, citing "misconduct in connection with work."  Pulaski
Circuit Court Judge Colin Gibb overruled the panel, finding that the
rooster's acts amounted to provocation. 

Dr. Maurice Nelligan, one of Ireland's leading heart surgeons, blamed a
succesful campaign by police to reduce drunk driving for a decrease in the
number of organs available for emergency transplants. 

After a mountain Lion attacked and killed a marathon runner in
California's Sierra foothills, a trust fund was set up for the woman's two
children.  After authorities tracked and killed the lion, another fund was
established for the lion's orphaned cub.  When the cub's fund had reached
$21,000 in just weeks, the children's trust held only $9,000. 

A Detroit city bus driver got lost trying to find the bus depot and
instead drove 200 miles north for four hours before state police stopped
him and turned him around. 

After a lengthy, often heated discussion, diplomats at a summit of the
53-nation Conferenceon Security and Cooperation in Europe agreed "in
principle" to change the group's name to the Organization for Security and
Cooperation in Europe. 

When New York City police stopped James Wright, 25, for driving the wrong
way on a one way street, he offered them a $40 bribe to forget about it. 
When they declined, he upped the offer to an AK-47 assault rifle, a
.45-caliber semiautomatic handgun, a .32-caliber revolver and $300 in
cash.  They promptly arrested him. 

In the Russian town of Tula, a 25-year-old poacher put a live electrical
cable into a pond to catch fish.  Authorities reported that he forgot to
disconnect the wire before getting into the water to collect the fish and
was electrocuted. 

Dr. Stuart M. Berger, an author of best-selling diet and health books who
contended that his weight-loss program would result in increased
longevity, died on February 23, 1994. At the time, he was 40 years old and
weighed 365 pounds. 

A Norfolk, Virginia, man suspected of two bank robberies was easily
identified from the bank security camera photos despite his disguise.  He
attempted to obscure his appearance by using only three small adhesive
bandages.  Two were placed above his eyebrows and the third across his
nose.