Date: Thu, 1 Jun 2000 13:05:35 -0400 (EDT)
From: Helicobacter Pylori
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Sanity


Date: Tue, 30 May 2000 11:58:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dominique Babin

Subject: HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down. 

2) Page yourself over the intercom.  (Don't disguise your voice.) 

3) Insist that your e mail address is: 
Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com


or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com 
 . 

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that. 

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing. 

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors." 

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 

11) Finish all your sentences with the phrase: "In accordance with the
prophecy." 

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area.  Insist to others that you like it that way. 

13) Don't use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 

15) Ask people what sex they are. 

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 

17) Sing Along at the opera. 

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear
them one day after your boss does.  (This is especially effective if your
boss is the opposite gender.) 

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. 
For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." 

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood. 

23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.

24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess".

25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard." 

26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!  I Won! 3rd time
this week!!!" 

27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!" 

28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its
the voices in your head that do".

29) Tell your children over dinner:  "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go".

30) Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here".