Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2000 12:04:15 -0400 (EDT)
From: Dog Heaven
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Redneck Mother


Date: Tue, 10 Feb 98 19:06:00 
From: jean.paul

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             A Letter From a Redneck Mother to her Daughter                   

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Dear child:                                                                   

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.               

We don't live where we did when you left home.  Your dad read in the paper    
that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't
be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the  
house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their       
address.  This place is real nice.  It even has a washing machine.  I'm not   
sure it works too well though.  Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain,  
and haven't seen them since....!!                                             

The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week.  The first    
time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.              

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put 
them in the pockets.                                                          

Well I must tell ya that we got another bill from the funeral home. They said 
if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, "...up she'll come".    

John locked his keys in the car yesterday.  We were worried because it took   
him two hours to get me and Shelby out.                                       

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so
I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle.  If the baby is a girl your sister
is going to name it after me; She's going to call it .... "MOM".              

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week.  Some man tried to pull him out   
but he fought them off and drowned.  We had him cremated and he burned for    
three days....!                                                               

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.  Ralph was        
driving.  He rolled down the window and swam to safety.  Your two friends     
were in the back.  They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down...

There isn't much more news at this time.  Nothing much has happened anyways.  


Love,                                                                         

                MOM                                                           


PS - I was going to send you some money                                       
     but too late!...the envelope was                                         
     already sealed.....