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Date: Sun, 19 Sep 1999 23:41:52 -0400 (EDT)
From: Strong Bowly
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Microsoft Contraceptive99

Date: Sat, 18 Sep 1999 10:03:08 -0500
From: Tom Shaw

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every
aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive99, a suite
of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a
pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these
technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the
copulation enhancement market. 

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus
protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of
human beings. 

The Contraceptive99 suite consists of three products: Condom99, DeFetus
1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy
of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. 

The suite also comes in two expanded versions. 

Contraceptive99 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for
professionals in the sexual services sector. 

Contraceptive99 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed
at the housewife and gigolo niches. 

While Contraceptive99 does not address non-traditional copulatory
channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as
BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff. 

OPERATION - Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install
the package. At installation, the Condom99 software checks for minimum
hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is
sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation,
operation commences.  One caution is that the user must have sufficient
RAM to complete the session.  When the session is complete, a disconnect
is initiated, and the user gets the message, It is now safe to turn off
your partner. 

DRAWBACKS - Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major
concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious
error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these
have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its

CONCLUSION - Contraceptive99 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks,
it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far
superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the
software, that is)  will add missing functionality, such as Backout and
Restore, Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera. 

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive99's potential.
He recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each
other what we've been doing to our customers for years." 

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