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Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1999 20:03:35 -0500 (EST)
From: Brass in Vegas
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Men and Women - Who is saner?

[ Sorry for the long one, but I think it is well written! (/jg) ]

Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 00:03:13 -0700
From: "E.W. Smith"
From: Rob VE3YE of Ottawa


In general, women are saner than men. For example, If you see people who
have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December
day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint,
those people will be male. 

Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower
racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of
deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads. Also, if women
were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be, I sincerely
believe this, virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a
military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there
would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on
greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon
(which would be salads, with the dressing on the side). 

So I sincerely believe that women are wiser than men, with the exception
of one key area, and that area is: clothing sizes. In this particular
area, women are insane. 

When a man shops for clothes, his primary objective is to purchase clothes
that fit on his particular body. A man will try on a pair of pants, and if
those pants are too small, he'll try on a larger pair, and when he finds a
pair that fits, he buys them. Most men do not spend a lot of time fretting
about the size of their pants. Many men wear jeans with the size printed
right on the back label, so that if you're standing behind a man in a
supermarket line, you can read his waist and inseam size. A man could
have, say, a 52-inch waist and a 30-inch inseam, and his label will
proudly display this information, which is basically the same thing as
having a sign that says: "Howdy! My butt is the size of Switzerland and I
don't care!" The situation is very different with women. 

When a woman shops for clothes, her primary objective is NOT to find
clothes that fit her particular body. She would like for that to be the
case, but her primary objective is to purchase clothes that are the size
she wore when she was 19 years old. This will be some arbitrary number
such as "5" or "7." Don't ask me "5" or "7" of what; that question has
baffled scientists for centuries. All I know is that if a woman was a size
5 at age 19, she wants to be a size 5 now, and if a size 5 outfit does not
fit her, she will not move on to a larger size: She can't! Her size is 5! 
So she will keep trying on size 5 items, and unless they start fitting
her, she will become extremely unhappy. 

She may take this unhappiness out on her husband, who is waiting patiently
in the mall, perhaps browsing in the Sharper Image store, trying to think
of how he could justify purchasing a pair of night-vision binoculars. 
"Hi!"  he'll say, when his wife finds him. "You know how sometimes the
electricity goes out at night and..." "Am I fat?" she'll ask, cutting him
off. This is a very bad situation for the man, because if he answers
"yes," she'll be angry because he's saying that she's fat, and if he
answers "no," she'll be angry because HE'S OBVIOUSLY LYING BECAUSE NONE OF

There is no escape for the husband. I think a lot of unexplained
disappearances occur because guys in malls see their wives unsuccessfully
trying on outfits, and they realize their lives will be easier if, before
their wives come out and demand to know whether they're fat, the guys just
run off and join a UFO cult. 

The other day my wife was in a terrific mood, and you know why?  Because
she had successfully put on a size 6 outfit. She said this made her feel
wonderful. She said, and this is a direct quote: "I wouldn't care if these
pants were this big (here she held her arms far apart) as long as they
have a '6' on them." 

Here's how you could get rich: Start a women's clothing store called "SIZE
2," in which all garments, including those that were originally intended
to be restaurant awnings, had labels with the words "SIZE 2." I bet you'd
sell clothes like crazy. You'd probably get rich, and you could retire,
maybe take up some philanthropic activity to benefit humanity. I'm
thinking here of professional lawn mower racing.

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