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Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1998 17:21:01 -0500 (EST)
From: Baptismal Abyss
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Larry Makes History

From: Darrell & Sherry Hamilton

This was so good I laughed out loud. I am sending it out to several who I
know will get as good a laugh as I did.

"Larry makes history"...

Listening to G. Gordon Liddy at lunchtime today and heard the best story. 
Each yr some group awards the "Darwin Award" for individuals who do the
earth's "Gene pool" the greatest service for doing something completely
moronic and usually getting killed in the process.  2 yrs ago it went to
an individual who tried to "swipe a free soda" by tipping a soda machine
(with bad results) 

Last yr it went to a guy in the military for tying a jet engine onto his
personal vehicle and ended up smashing into a cliff. 

But this yr, the award was ACTUALLY given to an individual identified here
only as LARRY, who for the first time in the awards history, SURVIVED. 

According to the report, Larry had a childhood dream to fly.  He enlisted
in the Air Force but poor eyesight prevented him from making a flight

One day Larry went to a local "Army/Navy" store and purchased 40 weather
baloons and a large stash of "helium".  Note: (when inflated, these
baloons are about 4 ft in diameter.)  Larry's plan was to fill the
baloons, suspend his lawn chair under them and float contently over his
backyard in southern california.  He tried a trial run by tying off his
lawn chair to the bumper of his car.  He floated about 10 feet up and
content that the idea would work, hauled himself down and prepared to make
his "final voyage". 

Larry filled many more baloons and, armed with a pack of sandwiches and a
6 pack of Miller Lite and a PELLET gun, Larry lashed himself into his lawn
chair.  Larry intended to float above his back yard for a few hours and
would "shoot out" enough baloons to descend safely back to earth a few
hours later. 

Unfortunately, when Larry severed his anchor, he didn't float leisurely
above his yard.  In FACT, Larry was propelled into the sky as if SHOT by a
cannon. He found himself blasted not 50 feet above his house..  Not 100 ft
above his house.... But 11,000 feet into the atmosphere where it was TOO
HIGH to shoot out any baloons, lest he upset the balance of the chair and
fall to oblivion.  So there sat Larry.. Armed with sandwiches, beer and a
pellet gun...  For TWELVE HOURS...  Alone...  'Cold....  Frightened.... 
Larry's baloons began to float him into the primary flight path of LA
international Airport...  Larry was first spotted by an AIRLINE PILOT who
radioed to the tower that "I'm starting my descent at 11,000 feet and I
just passed a guy in a lawn chair with a gun." 

Soon the tower picked up an object on radar...  They dispatched a
helicopter to check it out...  Unfortunately evening was approaching and
the winds were carrying Larry OUT TO SEA.  As the helicopter caught up
with Larry, and AFTER THEY DETERMINED HE WASN'T DANGEROUS, the crew tried
a rescue..  But the force from the rotor blades kept pushing Larry farther
away.  Finally, as Larry began panicking, they hovered a hundred ft above
him and suspended a rope.  Larry grabbed ahold and was eventually TOWED
back to land. 

When he arrived safely, he was arrested.  When he was being led away in
hand- cuffs, areporter asked Larry why he had tried such a "lame brained
idea".. Larry stopped, looked back and said:  "A guy has to do something.. 
He can't sit around in his backyard all day." 

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