Date: Thu, 3 Dec 1998 18:30:28 -0500 (EST)
From: Builders & Titans
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Getting Dumped 90s Style

Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 22:22:29 -0700
From: "E.W. Smith"

Hi, Jocelyn:

Something recent from my young Parisenne friend Fabienne.


Saying goodbye the 90's way...


Men often find dumping a woman the most difficult part of the dating
process.  The closest they ever come to telling a woman it's over is to
look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week."  But
there is now a great way to dump a woman.  It's safe, it's affordable and
the best thing is the female has no opportunity to throw things at you. 

It's at your fingertips right now:  E-mail.  That's how all the happening,
90's kind of guys are telling women they are not worthy.  You'll feel like
a real man knowing you have told her how you really feel from the safety
of your keyboard.  And you can delete her response without ever reading
it. What could be more painless? 

Following is an email rejection letter:  Men can use it the next time they
need to put their main squeeze on notice.  The text of the letter follows: 

Dear (her name),

        I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name).  As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens
of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the
final cut.  I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
become available. 

        So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reasons you were
disqualified from the competition: 

 (men will check those that apply)


 _____Your failure to reach for your handbag in even a feigned attempt to
pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of basic
economics. 

 ______Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by
the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for the
position. 

 ______You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. 

 ______The only question you did ask was how much money I make.


 ______You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the inside
after I opened the passenger side door for you. 

 ______My breasts are bigger than yours.

 ______Your height is out of proportion with your weight.  If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit
your application. 

 ______Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when
it's this small?"  were both uncalled for and thoughtless. 

 ______The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the alternative bar
and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too
impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
heterosexuality. 


 ______Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your
ex-boyfriend to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic
abuse charge" shows compassion but makes it difficult to take you
seriously. 

 ______Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the Tottenham team into
the bedroom so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat extreme and
inappropriate. 

 ______I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

 Sincerely,

______________________________________________________