Date: Mon, 28 Oct 1996 01:20:58 -0500 (EST)
From: That Time Again 
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Revised Early Release Policy

From: Patrick Drouin
From: Brochu Michele
Date: 8 juillet, 1996 12:58

 ALL EMPLOYEES OVER 35 YEARS OF AGE
 
 REVISED EARLY RELEASE POLICY
 
 
	As a result of the reduction of money for departmental areas, we
are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. 
 
	Under the plan, older employees will be asked to go on early
retirement thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent
our future plans. 
 
	Therefore, a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of
the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect
immediately.  The programme will be known as (RAPE) Retire Aged People
Early. 
 
	Employees who are Raped will be given the opportunity to look for
other jobs outside the company, provided they are being Raped they can
request a review of their employment records before actual retirement
takes place.  This phase of the operation is called (SCREW) Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers. 
 
	All employees who have been Raped or Screwed may file an appeal
with the management.  This will be called (SHAFT) Study by Higher
Authority Following Termination.  Under the terms of the new policy
employees may be Raped once, Screwed twice, but be Shafted as many times
as the company deems appropriate. 
 
	If the employee follows the above procedures he or she will be
entitled to get (HERPES) Half Earning for Retired Personnel s Early
Severance.  As Herpes is considered a benefit plan, any employee who has
received Herpes will no longer be Raped or Screwed by the company. 
 
	Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on
board that the company will continue to ensure that employees are well
trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).  The company
takes pride in the amount of Shit our employees receive.  We have given
our employees more Shit than any other company in the area.  If any
employee feels he or she does not receive enough Shit on the job, see your
immediate supervisor.  Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure
that you receive all the Shit you can stand...