Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1996 >


Date: Wed, 27 Nov 1996 22:17:29 -0500 (EST)
From: Yipyip Yayaho
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Lawyers

Date: Thu, 05 Sep 1996 18:03:47 -0400
From: Louis Tremblay
Subject: Lumiere_s.v.p.?

How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
-Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant. 

How many defense attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
-How many can you afford? 

How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
-It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light
bulb. 

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
-Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the
third to sue the ladder company. 

How many contract attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
-Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party
of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and
otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door,
through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living
area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination
being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not
required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The
aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
following steps: 

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at
his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the
party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this
point being non-negotiable.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party
of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party
of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a
manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one
of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should
occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party
of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the
objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the
fifth part, also known as "Partnership."



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