Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1996 >

Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 01:11:07 -0400 (EDT)
From: Futur Web d'Or
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Lawyers...

Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 14:17:42 -0400 (EDT)
From: Vezina Marie-Helene

>From the Salt Lake Tribune:

  "Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
  Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
  taken from official court records nationwide...

  1)  Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

  2)  Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
      dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
      quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
      until the next morning?

  3)  Q: What heppened then? 
      A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
         you can identify me.'
      Q: Did he kill you?
  4)  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
  5)  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
  6)  Were you alone or by yourself.
  7)  How long have you been a French Canadian?
  8)  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

  9)  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
      that picture.
      A: That's me.
      Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
  10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
      sworn in?

  11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
      A: By death.
      Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

  12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
      A: I'll be three months on November 8.
      Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
         August 8?
      A: Yes.
      Q: What were you doing at that time?
  13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
      A: I used to be.
      Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
  14) So you were gone until you returned?
  15) Q: She had three children, right?
      A: Yes.
      Q: How many were boys? 
      A: None.
      Q: Were there girls?

  16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
      it looked like, but can you describe it?
  17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
      A: Yes.

      Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
  18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? 
      A: Not yet.

  19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
      unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself 
      and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next 
  20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
         examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose
      A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 
         8:30 p.m.
      Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that 
      A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
         table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Martin McGreal                  Communications, Energy and Paperworkers Union
Librarian / Researcher          of Canada (CEP) / Syndicat des communications,
Bibliothecaire / Recherchiste de l'energie et du papier du Canada (SCEP)
                                tel: (613) 230-5200 ext. 222; fax: (613) 230-5801

        Humour has always something of the bourgeois in it, although
        the true bourgeois is incapable of understanding it.
                                                              --Herman Hesse


Marie Helene Vezina				-----  Maxime du jour -----
Maitrise en Bibliotheconomie			"ce n'est pas un bogue, c'est 
et Sciences de l'Information			     un choix de design..."

EBSI, Universite de Montreal                   mailto:vezinm
C.P. 6128, succ. Centre-ville
Montreal (Quebec)
H3C 3J7

Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1996 >