Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 01:11:07 -0400 (EDT) From: Futur Web d'Or Subject: BLAGUES-L: Lawyers... Date: Tue, 11 Jun 1996 14:17:42 -0400 (EDT) From: Vezina Marie-Helene >From the Salt Lake Tribune: "Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide... 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child? 2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? 3) Q: What heppened then? A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' Q: Did he kill you? 4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? 5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 6) Were you alone or by yourself. 7) How long have you been a French Canadian? 8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind? 9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on November 8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time? 13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 14) So you were gone until you returned? 15) Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? 16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? 17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. 19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." 20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! Martin McGreal Communications, Energy and Paperworkers Union Librarian / Researcher of Canada (CEP) / Syndicat des communications, Bibliothecaire / Recherchiste de l'energie et du papier du Canada (SCEP) tel: (613) 230-5200 ext. 222; fax: (613) 230-5801 Humour has always something of the bourgeois in it, although the true bourgeois is incapable of understanding it. --Herman Hesse _____________________________________________________________________________ Marie Helene Vezina ----- Maxime du jour ----- Maitrise en Bibliotheconomie "ce n'est pas un bogue, c'est et Sciences de l'Information un choix de design..." EBSI, Universite de Montreal mailto:vezinm C.P. 6128, succ. Centre-ville http://tornade.ere.umontreal.ca/~vezinm Montreal (Quebec) H3C 3J7