Date: Tue, 19 Mar 1996 09:28:06 -0500 (EST) Subject: BLAGUES-L: petite blague contaminee Date: Mon, 18 Mar 1996 14:20:49 -0500 (EST) From: Vezina Marie-Helene J'ai peche ca dans " l'Union des potes" sur le Web et j'ai pense a vous les amateurs de blagues! BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again) OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C: POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits. TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stay resident. It'll be back. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt! GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCS infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. PUBLIC TELEVISION VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat and lazy, then self-destructs; only to re-surface at sopping malls and service stations across America. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer top become a paper shredder. NIKE VIRUS: Just does it. JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every programs on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. KERVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating:"Read my docs... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the "Congressional Virus". DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS: Makes your pentium 90 machine perform like a 286AT. LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense". ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back. BONGBONG MARCOS VIRUS: Found as a variant of the "Imelda Marcos Virus", it randomly flashes the message "I'm innocent" on the screen while slashes your important bit by bit and saves them in a file named SWISSB.ANK.