Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1996 >

Date: Mon, 30 Dec 1996 00:18:20 -0500 (EST)
From: Tintanoche
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Babies

Date: Mon, 30 Sep 1996 09:15:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: Philippe Reid
From lmccgir Wed Sep 25 13:13:39 1996

  The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been
  broadened to include aservice called "Proxy Fathers". Under the govern-
  ment plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the
   first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy
   father; agovernment employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem
   by impregnating the wife.

 The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to
   arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man
   should be here soon."

   Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the

      Ms Smith:  "Good morning."

      Salesman:  "Good morning, madam.  You don't know me, but I've come

      Ms Smith:  "No need to explain,  I've been expecting you.

      Salesman:  "Really?  Well, good.  I've made a specialty of babies,
   especially twins."

      Ms Smith:  "That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in
   and have a seat."

      Salesman:  (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

      Ms Smith:  "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this
   is the right thing to do."

      Salesman:  "Well, perhaps we should get down to it."

      Ms Smith:  (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

    Salesman:  "Leave everything to me.  I usually try two in the bathtub,
   one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
   room floor allows the subject to really spread out.

      Ms Smith:  "Bathtub, living room floor?  No wonder it hasn't worked
   for Harry and me."

      Salesman:  "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
   time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven
   angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.
   In fact, my business card says, 'I aim to please.'"

      Ms Smith:  "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

     Salesman:  "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take
   his time.  I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,but you'd be
   disappointed with that."

      Ms Smith:  "Don't I know!  Have you had much success at this?"

      Salesman:  (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just
   look at this picture.  Believe it or not, it was doneon top of a bus in
   downtown London."

      Ms Smith:  "Oh, my!!"

    Salesman:  "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They
   turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
   difficult to work with."

      Ms Smith:  "She was?"

      Salesman:  "Yes, I'm afraid so.  I finally had to take her down to
   Hyde Park to get the job done right.  I've never worked under such
   impossible conditions.  People were crowding around four and
   five deep, pushing to get a good look."

      Ms Smith:  "Four and five deep?"

   Salesman:  "Yes and for more than three hours, too.  The mother got so
  excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd.
 I couldn't concentrate.  I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of men restrain
   her.  By that time darkness was  approaching and I began to rush my
 shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it
   all in."

      Ms Smith:  "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?"

    Salesman:  "That's right, but it's all in a day's work.  I consider my
   work a pleasure.  I've spent years perfecting mypatented technique. Now
   take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department

      Ms Smith:  "I just can't believe it."

      Salesman:  "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
   that we can get to work."

      Ms Smith:  "TRIPOD?!?"

      Salesman:  "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on.
   It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting.  Ms
   Smith?...Ms Smith?...My word, she's fainted!

Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1996 >