Accueil > BLAGUES-L > Archives 1995 >

Date: Mon, 18 Sep 1995 12:21:10 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Student Bloopers

SUBJ: Student Bloopers
(aka "These Are The BRIGHT Ones ... You Should See What The DUMB
Ones Are Like!")

These observations were made by school and college students around
the world.

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like

"The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the
bowls, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton
is something to hitch meat to."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
two molars, and eight cuspidors."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct
it is."

"Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects
on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."


"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

More nuggets of scientific wisdom, each one an unretouched classroom

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the
heart stops."

"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to
make artifical perspiration."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the
nearest medical doctor."

"For snakebites: Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket
for shock."

"For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient
is dead."

"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

"For head cold: use and agonizer to spray the nose until it drops
in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

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